Ryan and Rachell

My recent proposal to Rachell may not be the best that’s ever been, but I did work hard to fill the moment with as much romance and surprise as I could. I learned a lot in the process and hope that my single friends might benefit from my successes and failures. So I present to you, the “Art of a Proposal”.

—

Art of a Proposal

Edited by Sun Tzu
The art of a proposal is of vital importance to single women everywhere. It is a matter of life and death, a road to safety or to ruin. Hence it is a subject of inquiry which can on no account be neglected. The art of a proposal, then, is governed by five constant factors, to be taken into account in one’s deliberations, when seeking to determine the conditions to getting an enthusiastic “Yes!”.

These are: (1) The Decision; (2) The Element of Surprise; (3) The Rock; (4) Romance; (5) Covert Operations.

The Decision

The decision to propose is the driving factor throughout the proposal process. One isn’t likely to find success without being confident in one’s decision to marry. There’s much thought and prayer to this decision. Will your life be more effective with this woman than without? I remember driving to look at diamonds for the first time and getting a bit anxious about my decision. But then what seemed to be a supernatural peace came over me. I had not been as confident at any point in my life as I was at that moment. She was the one.

Therefore, in your deliberations, when seeking to determine the military conditions, let them be made the basis of a comparison. - Sun Tzu

The Element of Surprise

Women will be confronted by everyone they know about the impending proposal. Especially if you’ve been dating a long time. Her family and friends will tell her to expect it. The strategy of a surprise is marked by three factors: Early Reconnaissance, Establishing the Decoy, and Raising the Bar.

Hence, when able to propose, we must seem unable; when planning the proposal, we must seem inactive; when we are close to proposing, we must make the woman believe we are far away; when far away, we must make her believe we are near. - Sun Tzu

• Early Reconnaissance - Ask questions well before you plan to propose. Mask them by talking about a friend. She’ll know you’re asking for her, but will play along. Find out which of her friends knows what type of ring she likes, and her ring size. Affirm that these questions are well in advance, but that you wouldn’t want to give it away later in the relationship by suddenly talking about rings.

  Quick tip: Friends are assets and risks. Be sure her friend thinks the proposal date is at least a month after you are going to propose when you ask her for her help! You don’t want to risk an unintentional slip. Sorry Suzie!

Hence it is only the enlightened bachelor and the wise man who will use the highest intelligence of the best friend for purposes of information gathering and thereby they achieve great results. - Sun Tzu

• The Decoy - As the time draws closer, be sure to have many events planned well after the proposal date that are equal, if not better, opportunities for a proposal. These can serve as essential “Plan B”’s, or as decoys to challenge her friends and family. Be especially hush-hush, intentional, and vague about the decoy events. Awkwardness gives it away. Use that to your advantage.

Hence the skillful bachelor puts himself into a position which makes defeat impossible, and does not miss the moment for planning success. - Sun Tzu

• Raise the Bar - Spoil her as you raise the bar for romance in your relationship. You don’t want to tip her off by suddenly doing something completely out of the ordinary. Be romantic today, before the proposal.

The Bachelor stands for the virtues of wisdom, sincerely, benevolence, courage and love. - Sun Tzu

The Rock

This takes much longer than you might imagine. Hopefully your reconnaissance was effective and you know what cut of diamond she’s looking for, and a bit about the setting. But unless you go the retail route, this will take a few weeks. I cut it closer than most. Even though I started the search over a month before the proposal, the ring still had to be over-nighted to me from the jeweler the day I was leaving for the proposal. I got it a few hours before getting in the car!

Hence the saying: The enlightened bachelor lays his plans well ahead; the good man cultivates his resources. - Sun Tzu

I’ll spare you the Cut-Color-Clarity-Carat discussion. You’ll hear/read about this way too often and learn more than you ever wanted to know about diamonds. I will encourage you to find a connection through family or friends. Retail stores charge at least twice what the diamonds are worth. When you’re in the conversation with the jeweler ask: “How much off of RAP is that?”. This is diamond wholesale lingo and refers to the Rapaport Report that shows wholesale prices for diamonds. Get them to show you the report. Try to get your stone(s) at or below RAP. (Retail stores are usually far above RAP)

Romance

With the details out of the way, begin planning the romantic proposal. Remember, it’s all about her. Make sure that you are thinking of her all the way. My brother recommended a horse ride through Napa. Rachell is frightened of horses. Needless to say, horses were nixed from the plan. If you’re truly at a loss, let google help you research. Be careful though, most of the ideas I read were quite awful. You can read about my proposal, or leave a comment below with your favorite story.

Knowledge of the woman’s dispositions can only be obtained from time. - Sun Tzu

Another tip… When you’re on your knee, she already knows what you’re going to ask… if you have a long speech prepared, make it before you drop the knee. And don’t follow up with the infamous, “is that a yes?” line. If you can tell, just give her a hug!

Covert Operations

Remember three things… (1) You’re undercover; (2) Bond, James Bond; (3) Gumby.

• Undercover - Be cool. You don’t want to tip her off by being awkward. One of the most common stories associated with proposals is the fight or argument earlier that day or week. Guys tend to act quieter than usual during the last stages of the plan. Chances are they have the ring in hand and don’t want to spoil the surprise. Instead their girlfriends think they’re not communicating, or are “acting weird”. Take measures to avoid this! You’re undercover. Don’t get caught. I call the pre-proposal fight “God’s Last Chance”. I believe it’s when God says to the guy, “Are you sure? She’s kinda crazy?”
• Bond, James Bond - Be discreet. Bond has lasers hidden in his watch and rockets behind his license plate. Don’t get caught favoring a pocket because of a big ring box. I opted to not bring a box at all. Instead I hid the ring in a tiny plastic bag in a bottle of Ibuprofen. That way she could see everything on me without getting suspicious. Before the proposal I switched the ring into the battery compartment of my cell phone. I wanted to avoid the off chance that she’d feel the ring in my pocket.
• Gumby - Be flexible. Events are bound to go awry. There’s only so much you can do to prepare. It is essential to have margin and flexibility into your plan. Rachell was afraid she left her purse where we stayed the night before. Turned out it was buried in the car, but those are the kind of things you’ll never be able to fully prepare for. It wouldn’t have been the end of the day, but it would have thrown us off a bit.

According as circumstances are favorable, one should modify one’s plans. - Sun Tzu

The Final Word

These five heads should be familiar to every bachelor: he who knows them will be victorious; he who knows them not will fail. - Sun Tzu

May your proposal be as blessed as mine! Have fun!

This entry was posted on Friday, June 3rd, 2005 at 10:24 am by Ryan and is filed under Engagement. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.